


The Adventures of Anakin and Rex

by Starthewolf1106



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Being an Idiot, Anakin Skywalker Has Issues, Anakin Skywalker Hates Sand, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Anakin Skywalker is a Little Shit, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano Friendship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Protective CT-7567 | Rex, Rex becomes Anakin's therapist, Rex is a good friend, Slavery, groupchat, very light shipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23678212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starthewolf1106/pseuds/Starthewolf1106
Summary: As always, it starts with a group chat. The beginning of this story may include other characters, but the main focus is Anakin and Rex.
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, CT-7567 | Rex/Anakin Skywalker, IT’S THERE BUT BARELY, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/CT-7567 | Rex/Anakin Skywalker, but only hinted at - Relationship, if you squint
Comments: 42
Kudos: 208





	1. Uh-Oh, Stinky!

**Author's Note:**

> My first Star Wars fic! So, recently, I've been slowly transitioning from Marvel to Star Wars. That means that I most likely won't be posting anything Marvel related for some time. However, I will be posting some new Star Wars stuff, in case anyone is interested. I may do a crossover in the future, but for now, it will only be Star Wars.

_Anakin_ created a group chat

_Anakin_ added _Rex_

_Anakin_ added _Obi-Wan Kenobi_

_Anakin_ added _Ahsoka Tano_

_Anakin_ added _Padme Amidala_

_Anakin_ added _Cody_

_Anakin_ added _Echo_

_Anakin_ added _Fives_

Rex: He did it

Rex: The mad lad actually did it

Ahsoka Tano: I don't even want to know

Obi-Wan Kenobi: How. Just, how.

Anakin: I upgraded our com links so now we can talk to each other in the chat by typing

Anakin: It was Rex's idea

Cody: Dammit you two

Cody: This is against protocol

Rex: tHiS iS aGaInSt PrOtOcOl

Ahsoka Tano: oof Cody get recked

Anakin: Cody, you sound too much like Obi-Wan

Rex: did they clone you from Kenobi instead of from the original?

Cody: fuck off

Fives: I'm enjoying this

Rex: shut up fives

Cody: You're awfully snarky today

Echo: He's been hanging around General Skywalker too much

Rex: hey

Rex: you're right, but hey

Anakin: alright kiddos, settle down

Anakin: we need to come up with quirky nicknames that make sense to nobody but us

Ahsoka Tano: why tho

Rex: I vote on calling Cody 'Code' because he's always citing ruled and regulations to me like a NERD

Cody: I vote on calling Rex 'T-Rex' because like a T-Rex he has a brain the size of a coconut and loud and obnoxious

Fives: bruh

Anakin: while you two figure that out I'm going to start

Rex: YOU'RE the one who is ALWAYS on my case about every single thing like who the FUCK cares if I my plans aren't 'normal' if they WORK

_Anakin changed their name to SkyGuy_

Cody: why are you so difficult!? I'm trying to be the best I can be and give us clones a good name and here you come waltzing in like some folk hero with zero common sense executing dangerous plans and undermining the system

_SkyGuy changed Ahsoka Tano's name to Snips_

Rex: undermining the system?! when have I EVER 'undermined the system'

_SkyGuy changed Obi-Wan Kenobi's name to Jesus_

Jesus: I don't get it

SkyGuy: no, but your kids will love it

Jesus: I'm so confused

Snips: aren't we all

Cody: all the FUCKING time every time we have a mission you're out here messing things up

_SkyGuy changed Padme Amidala's name to Amabeliever_

Amabeliever: really

Amabeliever: this is the best you can come up with

SkyGuy: you have a better idea?

Amabeliever: I don't know, but it doesnt take much to top this

_SkyGuy changed Amabeliever's name to Your_Majesty_

Your_Majesty: you know what? I'll take it

Rex: You goddamn piece of SAND

Cody: what does that even mean!?!?!

Rex: i don't know, General Skywalker taught me that!

Rex: i think it means that your rough and dirty and nobody likes you!

Cody: That's it I'm coming over there to punch you right fuckin now

SkyGuy: Obi-Wan stop them please

Jesus: I'm on it

SkyGuy: alright any other name ideas

Snips: I liked Rex and Cody's original ideas

SkyGuy: you do know that will only cause more fighting?

Snips: 1. they will always argue, about anything, no matter what and 2. who cares

_SkyGuy changed Rex's name to T-Rex_

_SkyGuy changed Cody's name to Code_Lad_

Snips: Code_Lad? that sounds like the worlds lamest super hero

SkyGuy: i fail to see your point

Jesus: Back

Jesus: I swear Rex is just another version of Anakin sometimes

SkyGuy: and Cody is just another version of you sometimes

Jesus: fair enough, truce?

SkyGuy: truce

T-Rex: truce

Code_Lad: truce

Echo: do we get cool nicknames?

SkyGuy: no

Echo: :'(

SkyGuy: just kidding

_SkyGuy changed Echo's name to Echooooo_

_SkyGuy changed Fives' name to Doge_

Doge: the hell is a doge

Snips: that requires a lot of explaining

Snips: you see, it all started a really long time in the future in a galaxy far, far away, when this gorilla got shot

Doge: never mind I really don't want to know

Jesus: Anakin did you eat my leftovers

SkyGuy: those were yours

Jesus: Anakin my name was written on them in bold letters

Jesus: I'm checking the holograms I can literally see you eating them as you type

SkyGuy: you have no evidence

Jesus: shoving the box under your pillow doesn't hide the evidence, Anakin

SkyGuy: what evidence

Jesus: you know what

Jesus: I'm going over there and punching you in the face

Snips: I thought you were a pacifist

Jesus: not anymore

Your_Majesty: hmmm

Your_Majesty: maybe it was Cody rubbing off on Obi-Wan this entire time

Snips: perhaps

Your_Majesty: wait, isn't it 12:26 at the temple

Your_Majesty: go to bed, all of you

Doge: even us, ma'am?

Your_Majesty: yes, even you (if you're allowed)

Doge: Alright, I think i speak for all of the clones here, goodnight

Snips: not for Rex and Cody, who just ran by me, grabbed some snacks and said they were going to watch Anakin and Obi-Wan fight

Snips: I'll tell them to go to bed on my way there

Your_Majesty: some things never change

Snips: goodnight

Your_Majesty: goodnight, Ahsoka


	2. Bruh

11:04 P.M

Snips: Master Skywalker I've turned myself into a Meiloorun I'm Meiloorun Ahsoka

T-Rex: funniest shit I've ever seen

Snips: anyway, apparently today is fathers day on Coruscant

Your_Majesty: already?

Snips: yeah

Snips: any stories to tell?

Your_Majesty: not really

Your_Majesty: my father was a good man and an even better father

Your_Majesty: he always supported us and I really love and appreciate him

T-Rex: that's nice

Code_Lad: us clones never had a father, but I would say that the closest thing I ever had is Master Obi-Wan

Jesus: I really appreciate that, Cody

Snips: what about you, Rex? Is Anakin like your father?

T-Rex: nah, he's more like a brother

T_Rex: the closest thing to a father was probably ol' 99

Code_Lad: 99? I remember him

Snips: who's 99?

T_Rex: CT-99, aka 99

T_Rex: the oldest clone I've met, and also the nicest

T_Rex: He died a while ago, and I miss him, but I know that he died a hero

Code_Lad: I never really knew him, but I heard great things about him

Snips: Obi-Wan and I never knew our fathers, but Master Po is like my father

Jesus: I suppose Qui-Gon was like my father

Jesus: what about you, Anakin?

SkyGuy: I never had a father

SkyGuy: I suppose when I was younger I thought of you as a father figure, but now I think of you as a cool older brother

Jesus: I'll take that

SkyGuy: Palpatine's been a great father figure to me, closest thing I've ever had to a father

Jesus: hmmm

T-Rex: have you guys ever wanted to meet them?

Jesus: not really, it's forbidden

Snips: I did when I was younger, but now I don't really care

SkyGuy: no, I literally don't have a father

SkyGuy: like, my mom never did anything

SkyGuy: I was born without male fertilization

Code_Lad: what

SkyGuy: I'm not joking

SkyGuy: they did tests

Snips: wait, really?

SkyGuy: I'm a living mystery :)

Jesus: I knew you didn't have a father, but I didn't know that you literally didn't have a father

SkyGuy: the force is my father

Snips: this went from pure and wholesome to weird and mysterious

SkyGuy: well, Rex, looks like not having a father is something we have something in common

T-Rex: me and the rest of the clones, yes

SkyGuy: well, I doubt the rest of them want to go on a dangerous yet fun mission with me

T-Rex: mission? count me in

SkyGuy: meet me in the briefing room in five, bring anyone up to the challenge

Jesus: I love how it took .03 seconds for Rex to jump on the opportunity to go on a mission

T-Rex: not any old mission, it has to be a mission with General Skywalker, those are the most fun

Snips: awww

Your_Majesty: well, at least they're getting along

Doge: where's Echo

Code_Lad: with Skywalker and Rex

Doge: oh no

Doge: did they already leave

Code_Lad: yes

Doge: OH NO

Echooooo: don't worry, we can still access the group chat

Doge: where are you going

Echooooo: top secret :)

Snips: Master Skywalker, be careful

SkyGuy: I will, don't worry!

Snips: oop, gotta go! friend is calling me

SkyGuy: same, have to go radio silent for a bit

Jesus: looks like its just us, guys

Code_Lad: no

_Code_Lad left the chat_

Jesus: uh, rude

Doge: well, I'm gonna go do what I usually do when Echo leaves

Jesus: and what is that?

Doge: sulk and wait for him to come back

Your_Majesty: that's low-key really adorable

Jesus: as Ahsoka and Anakin would say, "I ship it"

Snips: okay, back

Snips: do you think Anakin would mind if I added my friend to the chat

Jesus: probably not, we'll just not talk about missions or anythings

Snips: cool

 _Snips_ added _Trace_ to the chat

 _Snips_ added _Code_Lad_ to the chat

 _Snips_ changed _Trace's_ name to _I_Wanna_Be_Tracer_

Code_Lad: damn

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: Wassup, bois

Jesus: hey

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: so you guys are the mysterious jedi friends Ahsoka keeps talking about

Jesus: yeah, but most of us are AFK right now

Code_Lad: just so you know, four of us are clones

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: wait, real clones?

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: that's so cool!

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: what is it like

Code_Lad: tell you what, when Rex gets back I'll let him explain

Code_Lad: I'll set up a meeting with you two; he'd love to explain everything

Jesus: it would give us an excuse to visit Ahsoka

Jesus: that is, if she wants to see us

Snips: of course I would

Snips: I don't regret my decision to leave, but I do miss you guys

Snips: you were my family, and I love you guys as such

Jesus: alright, just one question

Snips: sure

Jesus: where you live, do you have any pets

Snips: no, why

Jesus: just wanted to make sure we wouldn't trigger any allergies

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: a pet would be so cool! Maybe a poon cat or a Loth-Cat

Jesus: poon cat?

Snips: those little cat-like creatures roaming around the city, kinda look like Loth-Cats but differently colored

Jesus: ah, those guys

Jesus: I don't know what they're called, but I like the name poon cat

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: so, any funny stories to tell

Jesus: absolutely

Snips: tons

Code_Lad: this is gonna be a while


	3. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I went back and edited this with some new details.

So, this was previously a (rather long) chapter titled 'Fuck You! Angst!'. However, I have since removed it since I feel like it would be better off as its own story. Not to worry, I plan on posting that story very soon. I do, however, wish to either add more to that story and post it as a whole or finish some of my other stories. My apologies if you liked that chapter, but I do assure you that it WILL be returning. 

I currently have two stories in progress ( _Gift a Rose to the Fallen_ and this one) with two more lined up for when I finish. Those two 'draft' stories are _Angels in White Armor_ and the as-of-yet unnamed story that includes and elaborates on the ' _Fuck You! Angst!_ ' chapter. Below I have included a brief _**possible**_ outline for the stories. I would like to hear your feedback on these and which one you would be interested in reading.

_Unnamed Story_

Chapter 1 is the _'Fuck You! Angst!'_ chapter, with a few changed details. Essentially, Anakin has a severe PTSD attack after a conversation with Rex and has flashbacks to his traumatic childhood. Chapter 2 follows the same events, but from Rex's perspective. Chapter 3 and everything following it isn't planned yet, and I am open to suggestions!

_Angels In White Armor_

This story is not yet segmented into chapters, but I do have an idea of how I want it to turn out. Essentially, Rex, Cody, Jesse, Fives, and Echo all wake up 15 odd years in the past, with no memory of how they got there or what happened to them. They make their way to Tattooine, where they try and find a way to get back to their time. During this, they discover a 6-year-old Anakin Skywalker who had recently been orphaned. It takes a while to gain his trust, and the gang must work together to help him. AKA Rex and Cody become parents, Jesse beats up everyone who ever looked at Anakin wrong, Echo is a nerd and Fives is just trying his best.

My apologies for this short and bland author's note. It's Midnight and I'm tired. I just really hated how this fic was supposed to be light-hearted but I added angst. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if I left it how it was, so I decided to fix it. Again, sorry about this.

**EDIT:**

Okay, so, I may have accidentally lost the original copy of the angst fic. I will try to rewrite that when I get the chance to the best of my abilites, but some of the details may be a bit off. I even put it in a document somewhere! Gah! Oh, well, I apologize for the inconvenience. On a positive note, I have improved (slightly, but it's still an improvement) in the months that have passed, so the rewritten part should be of slightly better quality. Again, I apologize. 

Another thing that I wanted to share was that I am currently am working on a draft of _Angels In White Armor_ 's first chapter. During my writing of the first chapter, I decided to change some things. For one, Anakin's mother is still alive, but gravely ill and unable to work or care for her son. For another, I decided to add Kix in, as I figured his medical expertise would be a useful plot point. The first chapter is around half-way done, but I do not know how long it will take to finish it. 

Rex will still be an overprotective parent, Cody will be trying to lead the group and make sure they all survive, Jesse is like that cool uncle that teaches their nephew to fight and tells them curse words knowing they won't be the one to have to deal with it, Echo helps Anakin learn more about the Universe and takes it upon himself to give Anakin a basic education, Kix is constantly fretting over Anakin because " _He's too small! Little small bean won't make it!"_ and Fives is still trying his best.


	4. Never Gonna Give You Up

Doge: so that's the story of how team FurAffinity fucked my wife

Code_Lad: What the fuck did I just read

T-Rex: I can't believe you got cucked by a hedgehog AND a bat

Jesus: reminds me if the time when Anakin cockblocked me

Snips: oh do tell

SkyGuy: please don't

Jesus: so, Anakin was like, 11 or 12 and I had managed to bring home a date, but I didn't think Anakin was still awake because he had classes in four hours

SkyGuy: of course I was still awake, what do you think I am, a functioning member of society?

Jesus: anyway

Jesus: we were getting in the mood, all that fun stuff, about to do it when this scrappy 12 year old walks through the door and barges in on us about to do the sexy times

Jesus: by the way, he screamed like a little bitch and ran off in tears

Snips: I can imagine

Snips: something like that must have been mentally scarring

Jesus: was that offensive

Jesus: should I take offense to that

T-Rex: oof, man

Jesus: it was one of the rare times I actually brought someone home, too

SkyGuy: it's not my fault you're so picky when it comes to dates

Jesus: I am not!

SkyGuy: yes, yes you are

Jesus: you just have low standards!

SkyGuy: fine then, send us the criteria someone must fit in order for you to try and court them

SkyGuy: we shall see who is more irrational here

SkyGuy: and don't leave anything out, we will know

Jesus: fine! 

Jesus: in order to be courtable, they must be humanoid (no offense), they must be over 21 years old because otherwise, it's kinda weird, they must be female (I only make an exception for one person, he knows who he is) and they must be into me

Snips: wow

Snips: for me its that they need to Human, Twi'lek, Togruta, or Zabbrack (I think those guys are kinda cute, aside from the nightbrother guys), they need to be either male or female, and they must wear protection

SkyGuy: does it move? can it consent? does it consent? do they have really low standards? if the answer to all of these is yes then its time for the horizontal tango, baby!

Snips: please don't ever call it that again

Snips: also, Obi-Wan was right, your standards are really low

SkyGuy: well I'm not as active as I was when I was younger

Jesus: do not bring that up

SkyGuy: too late! poor old Obi-Wan here was traumatized left and right when I was younger

Jesus: you had the drive of a rabbit, Padawan

Jesus: every fucking night I would come home and I'd have to loudly announce my presence lest I open the door and find my Padawan with someone

Jesus: sometimes it would be a girl and sometimes it would be a guy

Jesus: I'm talking everything: Humans, Twi'leks, Togrutas, Zabbracks, Rodians, Duros, Gungans, Bothan, Mon Calamari, kriff one time there was a fucking Wookie!

Jesus; how does one even score a fucking wookie, they're all hair!

SkyGuy: well you're always saying to persevere and that with patience anything is possible

Jesus: you had sex with what is essentially a bear, Anakin!

SkyGuy: a bear that consented!

Snips: I feel traumatized

Jesus: how do you think I felt, I made the mistake of walking in on them, once!

Jesus: keyword: ONCE

Jesus: that one was one of the Twi'leks, and he was a HUNK let me tell you that much

Jesus: like 200 pounds of muscle, no idea how you scored that one Anakin

Jesus: he was a walking scandal, everyone knew about his nightly adventures

Jesus: of course, he wasn't getting attached to them so there was nothing anyone could do

SkyGuy: I mean I was _technically_ attached

Snips: gross

Echooooo: there are children on this chat

Jesus: I do NOT need to know any more about your sex life, Anakin! I already know too much!

Doge: seriously though I need you to tell me how to woo a wookie

SkyGuy: wouldn't recommend it, Fives

SkyGuy: did you know wookie penises are barbed

SkyGuy: yeah, neither did I 

Doge: that hurt to read

SkyGuy: oh really? did it hurt to read? I'm so sorry about that

Doge: point taken

SkyGuy: alright, well, time to woo some wookies

SkyGuy: preferably females this time 

SkyGuy: but then again when have I ever made good decisions 

SkyGuy: bye!

Snips: Obi-Wan

Jesus: yes, Ahsoka?

Snips: we are incredibly boring

Jesus: yes, yes we are  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea if the part about the wookie junk was right or not but I wasn't about to look that up. My search history is already weird enough as it is.
> 
> By the way, I was referencing SnapCube's fandub of Sonic Adventure 2 (Dark Story) in the first part. I recommend checking it out. Link is here:  
> https://youtu.be/IMC0uZY2iH0


	5. Never Gonna Let You Down

Code_Lad: Wolffe has been begging me to let me join this chat ever since he found out about it

Code_Lad: I don't know why, something about how there's something important he needs to say

Code_Lad _added_ Wolf _to the chat_

Code_Lad _changed_ Wolf’s _name to_ Wolf Boi

Wolf Boi: finally

Wolf Boi: on all levels except physical, I am a wolf

Wolf Boi: *barks*

T-Rex: what the fuck

Wolf Boi: man these names suck

SkyGuy: what names do you suggest, then

Wolf Boi: well, I have the perfect name for all us clones

SkyGuy _gave_ Wolf Boi _admin privileges_

Wolf Boi: thnx

Wolf Boi _added_ Kix _to the chat_

Wolf Boi _added_ Jesse _to the chat_

Wolf Boi _changed_ Kix’s _name to_ PumpedUpKix

Wolf Boi _changed their name to_ OwO

OwO _changed_ Jesse’s _name to_ That_Mother_Fucker

That_Mother_Fucker: how come some of us have underlines in our names and some have spaces

OwO: I’ll give you a hint

OwO: it's based on absolutely nothing and will change constantly

That_Mother_Fucker: fair enough

OwO _changed_ Code_Lad’s _name to_ Jesus’s Bitch

SkyGuy: LMAO

Jesus’s Bitch: you did not have to do me dirty like this

OwO: UwU

Jesus’s Bitch: since when were you a furry

OwO: since I fucked your man

Jesus’s Bitch: he is _not_ ‘my man’

OwO: whatever you say, o’ Bitch of Jesus

Jesus: Cody is not my bitch

SkyGuy: yeah! If anything, Obi-Wan is Cody’s bitch

Jesus: wtf

OwO: lmao

Jesus’s Bitch: two can play at that game

Jesus’s Bitch _changed_ OwO’s _name to_ WolfFucker

WolfFucker: man that’s not even good

SkyGuy: yeah, change it to FurAffinity or something

WolfFucker: wait no

Jesus’s Bitch _changed_ WolfFucker’s _name to_ FurAffinity

FurAffinity: fuck

PumpedUpKix: is nobody going to address the fact that Cody and Obi-Wan apparently have a thing

FurAffinity: I mean, you’re fucking the Commander

SkyGuy: I’m sorry

SkyGuy: he’s doing WHAT

Snips: he wanted a lesson in Togrutan anatomy and I gave him one ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

PumpedUpKix: let's be clear here, I was genuinely curious but it’s not like I was going to turn her down

SkyGuy: gross

Snips: makes you feel better it’s not just Kix

SkyGuy: how the hell is that supposed to make me feel better

PumpedUpKix: wait, who else

Snips: Jesse

SkyGuy: fuck

Snips: yeah, we did

SkyGuy: ᴅɪsɢᴜsᴛᴀɴɢ 

Jesus: wait, are all the clones having sex with Jedi

Jesus’s Bitch: everyone but Rex

FurAffinity: haha nerd

SkyGuy: Rex is a good Christian boy you leave him alone

Jesus: let me get this straight

Jesus: all the clones (except Rex, apparently) are having sex with every Jedi I know except Anakin

SkyGuy: who said I wasn’t fucking the clones

SkyGuy: I mean, I’m not, but it’s bold of you to assume so

Snips: I can’t believe Anakin “I’ll fuck anything that moves” isn’t getting some

SkyGuy: I’m getting plenty, just not from the clones

Jesus: why does this always come back to Anakin’s sex life

T-Rex: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Jesus: thanks for the contribution, Rex

Snips: you guys hear that Echo and Fives are a thing 

T-Rex: I’m not surprised

PumpedUpKix: Fives came to me the other day because he thought that since he and Echo did the do one of them would get pregnant

PumpedUpKix: yeah, he apparently slept through sex education 

T-Rex: you guys got sex ed

T-Rex: Skywalker was the one to give all of us the talk

SkyGuy: Artoo helped

SkyGuy: speaking of which

SkyGuy _added_ R2-D2 _to the chat_

SkyGuy _changed_ R2-D2’s _name to_ BeepBoop

BeepBoop: what’s up, fuckers

Jesus’s Bitch: who taught the droid the f word

BeepBoop: silence, brand

Jesus: Anakin, who else

BeepBoop: _B E G O N E, **T H O T**_

T-Rex: hey!

T-Rex: no swearing on Obi-Wan’s Christian Minecraft server

BeepBoop: I will steal your fucking kneecaps

FurAffinity: beep beep I’m a sheep

Snips: ??????

FurAffinity: sorry, that was copied to my clipboard and I accidentally pasted it

Snips: why was that copied to your clipboard

BeepBoop: that’s okay, Anakin has the entirety of ‘Eggman’s Announcement’ copied to his clipboard at all times

Snips: oh my god

Jesus: do I even want to know what that is

Snips: no

T-Rex: the funniest thing to grace our feeble human existence since that scientist turned himself into a pickle

Snips: funniest shit I’ve ever heard

Jesus: I’m so lost

PumpedUpKix: no, you’re just old

Jesus: (ง'̀-'́)ง

Jesus: square up and I'll show you who's old 

BeepBoop: no need for violence, Grandpa

Jesus: I will personally find you and kick your ass so hard your cellular state will rearrange itself into that of sentient rock you fuck

BeepBoop: bring it on, dicknips

That_Mother_Fucker: sounds suspiciously like what Ahsoka and I will be doing later ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

PumpedUpKix: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

SkyGuy: ಠ_ಠ

SkyGuy: you do know I'm on this chat right

Snips: no offense Jesse, but if I were to fuck anyone right now it would be Kix

PumpedUpKix: uh, thanks?  
  
That_Mother_Fucker: fine! If there's a Jedi I would want to fuck it wouldn't be you!

SkyGuy: sound like someone’s a bitter boi 

SkyGuy _changed_ That_Mother_Fucker’s _name to_ Bitter_Boi

Bitter_Boi: hey!

Your_Majesty: Guys please stop, I am in a very important (read: boring) meeting and every time I hear the notification sound I have to check it to see if it's important

SkyGuy: Padme, did you know Ahsoka is doing the do with at least two clones???

Snips: way more than two

Your_Majesty: just be safe, Ahsoka

Snips: yes ma'am

Your_Majesty: that goes for the clones, too

Pumped_Up_Kix: of course

Bitter_Boi: fine

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: sure, ok

SkyGuy: Snips?

SkyGuy: there something you trying to tell us?

Snips: uhhhh

Snips: I've been meaning to tell you for some time

Snips: I like girls as well

SkyGuy: what? no, that's not what I was talking about

SkyGuy: I mean, you love whoever you want I don't give a shit. I mean, I fucked a Wookie so I can't really judge

SkyGuy: but why are all your dates, you know...

SkyGuy: the way they are?

Snips: I'm not going to even dignify that with a response

Jesus: I'm glad you knew what he was even trying to say

Jesus: I'm still lost

SkyGuy: why are all of your dates the type to host the world's lamest party in their living room because the only friends they have are each other

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: oof

I_Wanna_Be_Tracer: I mean, you're totally right and that was pretty funny but still

Snips: you did not have to do them dirty like this

Jesus: that was oddly specific

Jesus: Anakin, did you throw parties in the living room

Jesus: did you and your friends host the world's lamest party and trash the place?

Snips: haha were all of his friends losers

SkyGuy: jokes on you I don't have any friends

T-Rex: guys he's crying now

Snips: are you two sitting right next to each other?

T-Rex: he just looked up and loudly said 'yes, dammit'

BeepBoop: guess who just started an electrical fire!

Snips: dammit R2

T-Rex: we'll be right back, folks

* * *

**TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES**

* * *

In Anakin’s opinion, all this screaming was unnecessary. Sure, he  _ had _ just killed someone, but it was a life or death situation and it’s not like this was anything new. None of this warranted the looks of horror and amazement being thrown at him by Ahsoka or Rex’s whispers of “what the fuck” being repeated over and over OR Obi-Wan’s endless shrieking, which he soon realized was over their bond and not actual screams. Still, why Obi-Wan was mentally screaming was a mystery Anakin wanted the answer to.

“What the fuck, Anakin?!” Obi-Wan yelled, out loud this time, as he turned to face him.

“What?” Anakin asked, confused.

“You killed him!” Obi-Wan howled, disbelief clear in his eyes.

“So? He was about to kill us!” Anakin defended, narrowing his eyes.

“Anakin, you  _ exploded his heart _ ! That’s not normal! How did you even  _ do _ that?” Obi-Wan all but screeched. 

“Wait, you guys can’t do that? I thought you didn’t do stuff like that because it went against the code or something.” Anakin replied, confused.

“We don’t have time to unpack all of that, do we?” Obi-Wan stated more than asked, shaking his head.  “First, no, we can’t do that. Second, what do you mean ‘stuff like that? Can you do other things like that? Third, you really shouldn’t be so nonchalant about breaking the code. Also, WHAT THE FUCK.” Obi-Wan ranted, dragging his hand down his face.

“Uh, yes?” Anakin answered. 

“Like what?” Ahsoka questioned, morbid curiosity emboldening her. 

“Lots of stuff. I can crush people’s windpipes, rupture their organs, increase the pressure in their brains by expanding the air in water in their skulls killing them instantly, stuff like that.” Anakin answered honestly.

“Can you steal someone’s kneecaps?” She inquired, eyes shining.

“Uhh, yes? Why?” He responded, uneasy.

“No reason.” She told him, eyes still shining.

“Can you make their limbs move like they’re puppets?” Rex asked. Obi-Wan let out a defeated sigh as Anakin nodded in response. 

“What about literally stealing someone’s breath away?” Ahsoka demanded to know.

“Yes.” Anakin replied.

“Can you tear out a man’s eyes and replace them with his nuts?” Rex shouted with way too much enthusiasm.

Now it was Anakin and Ahsoka’s turn to look at Rex with horror and bewilderment.

“What the hell is wrong will all of you?” Obi-Wan asked, not seeking an actual answer.

“Well, it all started when I was born at a very young age.” Ahsoka began, before Obi-Wan cut her off with a sigh.

“No, I’m leaving. Goodbye, everyone. I will remember you all in therapy.” Obi-Wan told them as he left the room. Anakin realized that, up until that point, they had all been standing around a dead body, screaming at each other.

“Well, maybe we should leave.” Anakin suggested. 

“Alright, but on the way to wherever, tell us what else you can do!” Ahsoka demanded, looking up at him with that same gleam in her eyes, a gleam that was shared by Rex, who had removed his helmet.

"What the hell." Obi-Wan muttered with a long-suffering sigh as they all left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added a little bonus there for you! Enjoy!


	6. OK Boomer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesus: ANAKIN
> 
> Jesus: WHAT DID YOU DO
> 
> SkyGuy: you’re gonna have to be a little more specific
> 
> Jesus: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MACE
> 
> SkyGuy: do you have any idea how little that narrows it down
> 
> Jesus: WHY did he tell me to “stfu, boomer”
> 
> Snips: maybe he just doesn’t like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something for you guys while I work on my other stuff :)

_ Snips and SkyGuy _

Snips: HELP HELP HELP OH NO OH NO

Snips: I FUCKED UP

Snips: BADLY

SkyGuy: why? What happened?

SkyGuy: are you okay?

Snips: MACE WAS GIVING THIS REALLY BORING, TEDIOUS LECTURE

Snips: AND I DO MEAN  _ AWFUL _

SkyGuy: and? 

Snips: AND HE SAID SOMETHING REALLY STUPID AND I GROANED AND ACCIDENTALLY SAID “stfu, boomer” AND HE LOOKED SO CONFUSED AND EVERYONE LAUGHED

SkyGuy: LMAO

Snips: IT'S NOT FUNNY

SkyGuy: it really is tho

Snips: OBI-WAN IS GOING TO KILL ME

SkyGuy: don’t worry, I’ve got this

_ Later _

_ Mace and Skywalker _

Mace: what does “stfu, boomer” mean

Mace: your Padawan said it today and nobody knows what it means

Mace: I asked Depa and she just laughed at me

Mace: also, if you had anything to do with this, you’re in bug trouble

Mace: *big

Skywalker: “stfu, boomer” is slang for “wait, really?”

Skywalker: stfu is actually an acronym for “shit, that’s fucking unreal” and boomer means that you’re the bomb, or that you’re amazing

Mace: really?

Mace: I suppose that makes sense

Skywalker: glad I could help

_ Later _

_ Snips and SkyGuy _

SkyGuy: fixed it

Snips: how

SkyGuy: I told him stfu meant shit, that’s fucking unreal and that boomer meant he was the bomb

Snips: oh my god

Snips: that actually  _ worked _ ?!

SkyGuy: Yep

SkyGuy: he totally believed me

SkyGuy: it was great

Snips: unreal

SkyGuy: I guess you could say 

SkyGuy: shit, that’s fucking unreal

Snips: ok boomer

SkyGuy: say that to Mace next time he does something stupid that he thinks is cool

_ Later _

_ Main Group Chat _

Jesus: ANAKIN

Jesus: WHAT DID YOU DO

SkyGuy: you’re gonna have to be a little more specific

Jesus: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MACE

SkyGuy: do you have any idea how little that narrows it down

Jesus: WHY did he tell me to “stfu, boomer”

Snips: maybe he just doesn’t like you

SkyGuy: yeah, why do I have to be the cause of this

Doge: PLEASE tell me you have screenshots

Jesus: BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING YOU WOULD DO

SkyGuy: can't argue with that logic

SkyGuy: I told him that stfu boomer means “shit, that’s fucking unreal”

SkyGuy: And that boomer meant he was the bomb

Jesus: why

SkyGuy: 1.) it was to help out Ahsoka

SkyGuy: 2.) because it was funny and the opportunity essentially threw itself into my arms

Jesus: both of you are grounded

Snips: ah, fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this

SkyGuy: watch your language in front of the fucking elders

Snips: don’t tell me what to do, magic man

SkyGuy: sounds like someone needs a vibe check

Snips: you come into MY chilis, BARBECUE SAUCE ON YOUR TITTIES, and disrespect MY valentino white bag?

SkyGuy: you’re disrespecting a future army soldier 

Snips: try me, I have the power of God AND Anime on my side

SkyGuy: I think I know more about American girl dolls than you

Snips: it’s not my fault you saw those geese and said look at all those chickens

SkyGuy: don’t write a G on your belt and call it Gucci, young one

Snips: fuck you and your chicken strips

SkyGuy: tf

SkyGuy: you acting sus af sis

SkyGuy: you need to vent? 

Snips: I’m in a relationship with Kix

SkyGuy: :o

SkyGuy: tea  _ spilled _

Jesus: are you two speaking a different language or something 

Jesus: wtf are you saying

Snips: don’t mess with him, he’s the ultimate lifeform

Snips: he puts hot sauce on everything, from twinkies to milk

Jesus:  _ WHAT _

Snips: it’s a joke

Jesus: I don’t get it

SkyGuy: that just makes you a beta cuck 

Jesus: ?????? _??? _

SkyGuy: that’s the difference between us, Obi-Wan

SkyGuy: I’m an alpha gamer jksjsheisbshsis

Snips: please know that Anakin is literally in tears over his own joke

Jesus: I’m leaving

Jesus: you guys are weird


	7. (Insert Witty Title Here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rex! You can make it! Hurry, he’s coming!” Ahsoka shouted, wildly waving her arms and pointing at Obi-Wan, who was standing still in the middle of the chaos, done with everyone’s shit. He threw Ahsoka an unimpressed glare.
> 
> “I’m not gonna make it, Commander! Leave me!” Rex wailed up at her, dramatically flopping to the ground with an exaggerated sigh.
> 
> “No, Rex! I’m not leaving you behind!” Ahsoka wailed back, equally dramatic. 
> 
> “Are you two done?” Obi-Wan asked, dryly.

“Alright, first things first, I think we all know who we need to add,” Ahsoka stated as she rolled the whiteboard out in front of the men. The 501st was on leave, and this was how they had decided to pass the time. Who  _ doesn’t _ enjoy gossiping about their Master’s love life?

“Padmé,” Everyone said in unison. Some said Amidala, some said the Senator, but everyone meant the same thing. 

“Good to know we’re all on the same page. Now, does anyone have any nominations?” Rex questioned, scanning the small crowd.

Fives raised his hand. 

“Yes, Fives?” Ahsoka called.

“Rex,” Fives said, snickering. A few of the other clones chuckled or smiled knowingly.

“We’re  _ not _ dating,” Rex snapped.

“Of course not. It’s not official, yet,” Jesse jeered, to which the group laughed. Poor Rex was bright red, and Ahsoka was trying (and failing) to contain her laughter.

“Really?” He asked her as she wrote down his name on the board.

“Alright, anyone else?” Ahsoka said through uncontrollable giggling.

“Ooh, me, me!” Hardcase said, raising his hand as far as it could go.

“Yes?” Rex urged, grateful the attention was off of him.

“Ventrice!” Hardcase shouted, to which Rex sighed, loudly.

“Are there any serious nominees?” He questioned.

“Hey, I am serious!” Hardcase whined.

“We all know that Obi-Wan is Ventrice’s bitch,” Jesse told them.

“Isn’t Cody Obi-Wan’s bitch?” Dogma asked.

“Yep. Technically, Cody is Ventrice’s grand-bitch,” Echo stated. Ahsoka laughed, loudly.

“Grand-bitch? I’m dying,” She managed to wheeze.

“Guys,” Rex sighed.

“All right, all right, you grump,” Ahsoka grumbled, smacking him lightly on the arm.

“What about Obi-Wan?” Kix offered.

“I thought we already established that Cody is Obi-Wan’s bitch, and that Obi-Wan is Ventrice’s bitch. Also, isn’t he with the Duchess of Mandalore?” Tup explained.

“Eh, write him down anyway.”

“Fine. If none of you guys are going to take this seriously, then neither will I,” Rex snapped, a mischievous grin forming on his face.

“So, who’s your nomination?” Ahsoka questioned, marker in hand.

“Mace Windu,” Rex said. Everyone started arguing.

“Master Windu? No way, those two hate each other!” Ahsoka protested.

“Maybe that’s what they want you to think,” Rex pointed out, and Ahsoka’s mind was blown. She quickly jotted the name down on the board. They threw other suggestions back and forth, but no new names were added.

“What’s going on here? And why is my name on a list with Padmé, Rex, Ventrice, and Mace?” Obi-Wan’s voice sounded from the doorway. Everyone turned to stare at him. Ahsoka panicked and used the Force to throw the whiteboard across the room. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. Followed right behind him came a shiny, breathing hard and looking panicked.

“You had  _ one job _ , Swiper,  _ one job,” _ Jesse scolded, crossing his arms.

“Sorry, Sirs! He’s just  _ so fast _ !” Swiper apologized.

“Well?” Obi-Wan prompted, slightly amused. Ahsoka couldn’t think of anything to say so she just started screeching. 

Fives grabbed a bottle from somewhere and threw it on the ground, where it promptly shattered.

“Scatter!” He yelled, and everyone fled in different directions. Ahsoka leapt up a stack of crates, climbing on top of them like a tooka. Rex leapt after her, but miscalculated and fell back down.

“Oof,” Rex said, getting back up.

“Rex! You can make it! Hurry, he’s coming!” Ahsoka shouted, wildly waving her arms and pointing at Obi-Wan, who was standing still in the middle of the chaos, done with everyone’s shit. He threw Ahsoka an unimpressed glare.

“I’m not gonna make it, Commander! Leave me!” Rex wailed up at her, dramatically flopping to the ground with an exaggerated sigh.

“No, Rex! I’m not leaving you behind!” Ahsoka wailed back, equally dramatic. 

“Are you two done?” Obi-Wan asked, dryly. 

“You  _ monster!  _ You’ve killed him! Curse you, foul heathen! A thousand years of prison for you, you lightless, loveless horror!” Ahsoka screeched from her crate of boxes. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at her theatrics as Rex ‘died’ on the ground.

“Ahsoka, come down please,” Obi-Wan said with a sigh.

“Never! You would sooner divert a river from its course than defy me of my nature, heretic!” Ahsoka yelled as she literally bounced off the walls and clung to a support beam on the ceiling. 

“Damn you, menace! May your crops never prosper and may your frogs forever escape you!” Ahsoka shouted down at him while he stared, annoyed.

“What- what does that even mean?” Obi-Wan questioned, confused and tired. 

“¡Viva la vida, bitches!” Ahsoka screeched, using the Force to lift the clones up onto the support beam with her.

“Ahsoka, this is utterly unnecessary,” Obi-Wan told her, crossing his arms.

“You’re unnecessary!” Ahsoka bit back, lifting the last clone onto the beam.

“Okay, first of all: rude. Second of all, someone’s going to get hurt,” Obi-Wan scolded. Nobody listened to him.

“To the vent!” Ahsoka yelled, pointing at a large service vent.

“FREEDOM, FUCKBOYS!” Fives shrieked as he dove head first into the vent, disappearing. One by one, the rest of the clones followed, until it was only Ahsoka, Obi-Wan, and Rex, who was still playing dead on the floor. Ahsoka used the Force to lift him into the vent.

“I’m taking this body!” Ahsoka yelled as she threw him down. 

“Ahsoka!” Obi-Wan yelled back, exasperated. Ahsoka only grinned at him, gave a sarcastic two-fingered salute, and leapt into the vent.

Obi-Wan just stared up at the ceiling. He sighed loudly, then turned, only to see Anakin sitting on a crate, eating popcorn and watching.

“Anakin?!” Obi-Wan shouted in surprise. Anakin froze, grabbed his bag of popcorn, leapt up to the service beam with help from the Force, and disappeared into the vent as well. 

“I need a nap,” Obi-Wan muttered as he turned and walked out of the room.

The 501st crawled through the vents, silent and serious. Well, except for the giggling, which some clones (and a specific Jedi Padawan) just couldn’t contain. Anakin had joined them, and was leading the group.

“We rule these vents! This is ours now!” Ahsoka whispered, taking out a marker and writing ‘ _ property of the 501st’ _ on the wall. Anakin grinned back at her, turning the corner. A loud bang sounded, followed by cursing.

“Master?” Ahsoka questioned, concerned. She turned the corner too, only to see Anakin stuck to the side of the vent by his right arm.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Ahsoka questioned, confused.

“Damn you, universe! Why do you vex and haunt me in this manner? I have been struck down by my greatest enemy, magnets!” He wailed, struggling.

“What do you have that’s magnetic?” Ahsoka asked, confused. 

Anakin just glared at her. “Go get help,” he said instead of answering.

Ahsoka stared at him, then shrugged.

“C’mon boys, we have a mission! We need to find someone who can get Anakin unstuck from the giant, evil magnet!” Ahsoka yelled to the men behind her, giggling slightly. 

“Just kick me the popcorn on your way by, please,” Anakin said with a sigh. Rex did so, and Anakin used his free arm to shovel some in his mouth.

“Great, thanks, now please hurry. This is really uncomfortable,”

“Masters!” Ahsoka yelled as she bounded over to where Obi-Wan, Plo Koon, and Mace Windu were.

“Ahsoka?” Obi-Wan asked, warily. 

“Masters, Anakin is stuck in the vents,” Ahsoka told them, face dead serious. Plo Koon and Mace both looked at Obi-Wan, who simply sighed. 

“Again?” Obi-Wan said with a long-suffering sigh.

“How?” Plo Koon questioned, looking amused.

“I don’t know, some kind of giant magnet. He’s stuck to it,” Ahsoka explained, to which Obi-Wan shook his head.

“Alright, we’ll come help. Mace, can you get Master Yoda, please?” Plo Koon rumbled.

“On it,” he said, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like ‘dammit, Skywalker’ as he left.

Plo Koon and Obi-Wan followed Ahsoka and some of the clones back through the vents. 

“So, you said ‘again’ when I told you Anakin was stuck in the vents. Story, please?” Ahsoka inquired as they crawled towards where Anakin was.

“It was in the first few months of the war. He crawled up here for something or another, probably to tinker with something, and he got stuck on the giant magnet. We couldn’t find him for a few days,” Obi-Wan explained with a smile. 

“A few  _ days _ ? Wow,” Ahsoka stated, disbelieving.

“Yeah. He was not happy,” Obi-Wan recalled, chuckling. “The vent repairmen were convinced there was a ghost in here because they heard Anakin screeching,”

They turned the corner and saw Anakin, chewing on some popcorn and talking to a few of the clones who stayed to keep him company.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan called, kneeling as the vent grew wider.

“Oh, hey, Master! What are you doing here?” Anakin asked, innocently.

“Take a wild guess, genius,” Obi-Wan snapped, crossing his arms.

“Hmmm…. maybe you wanted some popcorn?” Anakin suggested, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Kix and another healer will be here in a minute to sedate you,” Plo said, putting his comm away.

“Wait, sedate him? Why?” Ahsoka asked, alarmed.

“Well, we can't just shut off the magnet,” Obi-Wan stated, dryly.

“Why do we even have a magnet in the vents?” One of the clones questioned.

“It’s to catch any metal parts, rogue droids, and Anakin, apparently,” Obi-Wan explained, giving Anakin a disappointed glare.

“It’s not my fault the vents are homophobic,” Anakin huffed.

“What? Wait, you know what, I don’t want to know,” Obi-Wan replied. Just then, Kix and a Jedi healer came crawling through the vents. Plo dismissed the remaining clones to make more room for the healers.

“Knight Skywalker, Masters,” the healer greeted with a respectful dip of her head.

“Why do we need healers?” Ahsoka asked, confused and concerned.

“It would probably be best to remove the Padawan from the situation, as well as close off any bonds you may have,” the healer stated as Kix injected the sedative into Anakin’s free arm. Plo Koon nodded and motioned for Ahsoka to follow him.

“Wait, why? What’s happening?” Ahsoka demanded to know, staring at Obi-Wan pleadingly, her eyes wide.

“He’ll be fine, Ahsoka. Just go,” Obi-Wan told her, his voice soft yet stern.

Hesitantly, Ahsoka obeyed, following Plo Koon out of the vents. She felt Anakin, probably assisted by Obi-Wan, temporarily close off their bond.

Ahsoka was led back to the quarters she shared with Anakin, where she flopped down on her bed with a sigh. 

Drifting off to sleep, she pondered her Master’s situation.

Ahsoka awoke to the chiming of her comm. Blinking awake, she dove towards it.

She scanned through her messages. One was from Padmé.

_ I hear Anakin got stuck in the vents. Again. Is he alright? _

Ahsoka didn’t respond to that one, just marked it for later. The next one was from Rex, who essentially just told her that Anakin was recovering and that he was fine. She replied to that with a quick thanks and then deleted it.

The third and final message was from Obi-Wan who informed her that “ya Boi Anakinz is straight vibin’, totes yeet yo”, to which Ahsoka promptly told him to never say that (or anything close to that) again. He replied a few moments later. She read the message, then reread it because surely this couldn’t be Obi-Wan. 

_ Ahsoka and Master Kenobi _

Master Kenobi: afjksd lmao he be groovin’ sis he lit AF dude! This is wicked sick, bro, can’t believe he’s done this sksksksksks!

Ahsoka: you’ve just combined like three different generations of slang into one wtf

Ahsoka: also, while I appreciate that you’re trying, I am obligated to tell you to ‘stfu, boomer’ because of your violations of the slang code

Master Kenobi: idc I’m lit (sunglasses emoji) af (clap emoji) 100% all the way (100% emoji) let’s GET this bread! Tubular!

Ahsoka: did you just… did you just write out the emojis you wanted to use?

Master Kenobi: I don’t know how to access them :(

Ahsoka: F in the chat

Master Kenobi: F

Master Kenobi: I pressed it and nothing happened?

Master Kenobi: did I do it wrong? Where are my emojis?

Ahsoka: that wasn’t supposed to turn them on, it was kind of like saying rip to you

Master Kenobi: rip me, guess I’ll die then

Ahsoka: well, that’s closer, I guess

Master Kenobi: yeet 

Ahsoka: UwU gimme your toes OwO it’s munching time!

Master Kenobi: big bruh moment 

Ahsoka: there you go!!! You’re getting it!!!!

Master Kenobi: so how would I introduce myself?

Ahsoka: ideally?

Ahsoka, well you would ideally be in a ridiculous costume, where you would then kick down the door, and scream loudly

Ahsoka: if you can’t do that, just ride a skateboard in and crash into the wall dramatically 

Master Kenobi: I’m just gonna wear sunglasses everywhere and wear a silly hat

Ahsoka: close enough

Ahsoka: anyway

Ahsoka: aside from being “straight vibin” how is our resident dumbass

Master Kenobi: last time I checked it was you who led the 501st on a crusade through the vents

Ahsoka: and last time I checked, Anakin was the one to allow me to do that, while also getting stuck to a giant magnet

Master Kenobi: point

Ahsoka: what did he have that was magnetic anyway

Master Kenobi: his arm

Ahsoka: his… arm

Master Kenobi: Yep

Ahsoka: why was his arm magnetic

Master Kenobi: too much iron in his blood

Ahsoka: ….. that doesn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about human anatomy to dispute that

Master Kenobi: it’s true

Master Kenobi: I remember one time when I consumed too much iron and my master had to pry me from the ceiling magnet

Ahsoka: …..

Ahsoka: now we don’t have time to unpack all of that

Ahsoka: and anyway, why was it just his arm that was magnetic 

Master Kenobi: would you rather it have been something else

Master Kenobi: because it easily could’ve been something else

Ahsoka: nvm 

Master Kenobi: anyway, it was because his arm was what made first contact with the magnet, and all the iron in his blood went to his arm because of it

Ahsoka: Again, that doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about humans to know for sure

Ahsoka: just tell me this, Master

Master Kenobi: ?

Ahsoka: have I been got?

Master Kenobi: yes Ahsoka, you have been ‘got’

Ahsoka: *inhales*

Master Kenobi: ….. or have you?

Ahsoka: well now I’m not sure

Master Kenobi: I’m just kidding

Ahsoka: oh

Master Kenobi: unless…

Ahsoka: OH GOD DAMMIT

Master Kenobi: jk

Ahsoka: I swear to the Force

Master Kenobi: but what if…

Ahsoka: with all due respect, I am going to throttle you

Master Kenobi: try me bish

Ahsoka: oh it’s on

Ahsoka: training dojo

Master Kenobi: be there or perish

Ahsoka: you bet your ass-kicking toads I’ll be there

Master Kenobi: what is it with you and the amphibian threats

Ahsoka: >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Jedi: What a shame, Anakin has gone missing. We will miss him though :(  
> Anakin, in the vents: I’M STILL HERE  
> The Jedi: Sometimes it feels like we can still hear him :’(


	8. What Are You, A Clown? Get Off My Fucking Server, Filthy Clown Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short, but I hope you like it!

What Are You, A Clown? Get Off My Server, Filthy Clown Man

Snips: where’s @SkyGuy

Jesus: sulking, probably

Snips: why

Jesus: he’s on medical leave for two weeks

Snips: real shit?

Snips: why

Jesus: they have to wait for his blood to de-magnetize 

Snips: oh

Snips: you know, I still don’t know if you’re trolling me or not

Jesus: wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy (derogatory)

Snips: *wipes single tear from eye* I’m so proud

Jesus: *dabs*

Doge: guys

Doge: Jesse changed his name to Motherfucker_Ultimate

Doge: can you change it to something funnier

Snips: consider it done

Snips: any suggestions

Doge: FilthyClownMan

Echooooo: Unexpected_Insectivore

Jesus: FeralFuck

FurAffinity: UrethraCactus

Jesus’s Bitch: TransIcon

PumpedUpKix: either WormFucker or DirtGobbler

Snips: oh wow

Snips: all of these are good

Snips: but I like Cody’s

Jesus’s Bitch: it’s especially funny because (as far as I know) he’s not trans

Snips: yeah, it’s bound to confuse him

Snips: I am the wizard of the humble, the derogation master

Snips: ༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ * * * *

Snips  _ changed _ Motherfucker_Ultimate’s  _ name to  _ TransIcon

Snips: perfect

Snips: now we just wait for chaos to ensue

FurAffinity  _ renamed the chat to _ Gay, Slay, And A-O-K

FurAffinity: there

FurAffinity: now it is complete

Jesus: :/

Snips: guys

Snips: Padmé and Anakin are chatting on the group chat us three share

Snips: except they think they’re on a private channel

Doge: oooooh

Doge: what are they talking about?

Snips: well Padmé just asked Anakin what he was wearing with a winky face emoji and he responded with ‘clothes’ so

Snips: Padmé just responded with “Okay, Mr. I-don’t-like-sand”

Snips: apparently he is really bad at flirting 

Doge: lmfao

Snips: Anakin replied saying he genuinely thought he was being romantic with the sand thing

Jesus: it’s quite frankly a miracle that they’re together 

Snips: Anakin asked what was for dinner and Padmé responded with “this pussy” to which Anakin sent back :o

Snips: I’m  _ screaming _

Doge: Padmé be like “let’s fuck” and General Skywalker be like “poggers”

Snips: UPDATE: THEY’RE SEXTING

Snips: AHHHHHHHHHH

Doge:  _ how _

Jesus: Anakin’s ability to be an absolute dumbass idiot incapable of flirting yet still being able to have shitloads of sex is a fucking miracle

Snips: they both went offline and SkyGuy just told me that he was “going to talk to Echo about something” 

Doge: Echo is off planet

Snips: I wonder if he’ll realize

Jesus: probably not

  
  


_ Later _

_ Gay, Slay, And A-O-K _

SkyGuy: I have an irrational fear that one day I will be turned into a swan or a goose or something and someone will see me and think “yummy!” And eat me and nobody will ever know

Jesus: you worry me sometimes, Anakin

Snips: Boi see a THERAPIST for the love of GOD

T-Rex: I wouldn’t eat you, Sir :)

SkyGuy: thanks, Rex

T-Rex: :D

T-Rex: I would fight a thousand armies, the sun, the moon, and the god of time to save you

Doge: osik, Rex has it  _ bad _

T-Rex: stfu Fives no I don’t

SkyGuy: ?

Jesus: I swear Anakin you must be the most oblivious person in the galaxy

SkyGuy: about what? I’m confused

Snips: forget about it, he’ll figure it out eventually

Snips: in the meantime someone get Rex some icecream or something

Snips: that poor man has to go through so much of Anakin’s bullshit

SkyGuy: I am bamboozle

Snips: I rest my case your honor

Jesus’s Bitch: why did Rex just run into his room crying

Doge: oof now I feel bad

Doge: I didn’t think it was this serious

FurAffinity: Rex has it

Jesus’s Bitch: has what?

FurAffinity:  _ it _

Jesus’s Bitch: ahhh

Jesus’s Bitch: who?

FurAffinity: read the chat

Jesus’s Bitch:  _ oh _

Jesus’s Bitch: oh boy

Jesus’s Bitch: good fucking luck with that

Doge: Echo just checked on him and he’s lying face down on his bed listening to sad music

Snips: mood

Jesus’s Bitch: king

PumpedUpKix: guys, go to bed

Snips: but HOW am I supposed to sleep when I can hear the sounds of my jussy fizzling?

PumpedUpKix: please never talk to me again

Snips: hoe

PumpedUpKix: I beg of you

Snips: coward

Doge: I just heard the General refer to a circuit board as “you sexy, sexy bitch” and I don’t know how to feel about that

T-Rex: I wish that was me :(

Jesus: no worse than that time when he was removing some plating from a droid and said “mmm, take off your clothes UwU” thinking that I couldn’t hear him

Snips: did he actually say “UwU” out loud unironically 

Jesus: yes

Jesus: yes he did

Jesus: if I had a credit for every time I had to tell Anakin to “please stop sexualizing the droids” I’d have two credits

Jesus: which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice

* * *

BONUS 1 :

Rex: I think I like you

Anakin: I like you too! You’re a great guy :)

Rex: no, like, I really like you

Anakin: that’s great! You’re a great friend :D

Rex: *internal screaming*

Rex: so, what’re you wearing? ;)

Anakin: ??? Clothes???

Rex, through grit teeth: what kind of clothes?

Anakin: a shirt

Rex: *slams head against wall*

Rex: what if we were… more than friends?

Anakin: you mean like… best friends?

Rex, wincing: like… more than best friends

Anakin, visibly excited: like, super duper best friends?!

Rex, sobbing: yeah

Rex: would you go on a date with me?

Anakin: like, to the movies?

Rex: yeah

Anakin: sure! Best friend date! Yay!

Rex:

Rex:

Rex, through tears: are you doing this on purpose

* * *

BONUS 2:

Senator Amidala loved Anakin like one would love their home. She loved him because of what he represented, for the ideas and ideals he symbolized. She loved him because he fought for the Republic she so dearly loved, and she loved him because to her, he was home.

Chancellor Palpatine loved Anakin like a dragon would love its hoard. He loved him because of what he could do, for the power and opportunity he could give. He loved him because he offered a chance to obtain even more power, and he loved him because to the Chancellor, Anakin was a weapon.

Rex loved Anakin like one would love an old friend. He loved him because of all the little things that made him  _ him,  _ from the smallest detail to him as a whole. Rex loved him because he was the entirety of Rex’s world, and he loved Anakin because to him, he was everything.

That wasn't to say that the other two's love was any less real. In fact, some would argue that Amidala's love was equal in strength and righteousness to Rex's love. Loving in different ways is okay sometimes, and Anakin would soon learn that he needed both Amidala's and Rex's love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the somewhat abrupt ending, but I hope the bonuses made it up :)


End file.
